The Utterly Random Story of Warriors
by Viliak
Summary: The title says it all! Brambleclaw doesn't think his Clan could get much weirder. He's wrong. Everyone has gone completely crazy. ThunderClan has become the strangest Clan in the forest whether that's good or not. My 1st FF. Please R&R!


**I do not own Warriors!!!!!!!!! If I did Crowfeather and Leafpool would still be together and Nightcloud would not exist.**

**Warning you may experience shocks of randomness throughout the story. Side effects include headache, dizziness, nausea, ****memory loss,**** tearing up from ****major laughter, ****warts,****pimples****, and etc., etc etcetc.**

Chapter 1:

Brambleclaw dropped his squirrel in the pile for Brackenfur and Sorreltail to cook. Ever since they saw that stupid commercial they have been obsessed with trying to cook everyone's fresh kill the "Burger King" way because that's the way uhuh uhuh warriors like it uhuh uhuh.

After getting his meal of squirrel burger, those delicious fries, chicken fries, and and soda decided to go find Squirrelflight.

He looked around camp but couldn't find her anywhere, so he decided to ask Dustpelt and Ferncloud about where she was. They seemed to be the only normal ones these days.

They didn't know so he just decided to wait for her. Then he saw her.

"Oh gracious sakes alive, Squirrelflight what have you done?!"

"Do you like Brambleclaw? It's supposed to be the latest fashion in WindClan."

"We are not in WindClan and I haven't seen Onestar dyed pink recently."

"Oh Brambleclaw I thought you might like it. It only cost 3000 dollars. Isn't it cheap?

You should get your fur died lime green or electric blue."

"Are you deaf? I don't like dyed fur. Now lets go and see if Leafpool can get it off. And I am not giving you any more money! Ask your dad if you want some."

"And one and two and three and four. Oh hi Brambleclaw, come to take dance lessons?"

"Um Leafpool I came because Squirrelflight happens to be pink."

"Why did you come to me for that? Don't you have any common sense?"

Brambleclaw rolled his eyes. "Leafpool you're the medicine cat. Remember you left Crowfeather to stay as one?!"

At that Leafpool dropped onto the floor and started sucking her thumb and moaning "Croowfeeaatherrr, Crroowwfeeaatherr. I want my Crowfeather."

Cloudtail and Brightheart who were taking dance lessons from Leafpool decided to leave. "Yo Brambleclaw I think we better go dawg."

"Sure Cloudtail whatever you say," Brambleclaw replied.

"Like omg Leafpool stop that moaning, you'll make Brambleclaw mad and he won't give me money for this really cute handbag!"

"Squirrelflight, I will not give you any more money and that goes for Hollypaw as well. She just spent $5000 on that stupid Gucci handbag."

Squirrelflight was about to reply when he heard a whoosh up above and Harry Potter came flying down on his Firebolt.

Brambleclaw sighed, "Who in the crazy starry warriors name is that?"

"You must know me! I am the Boy Who Lived. I rock your socks or seeing as you have none, your fur!"

"Wow! Lyk omg! Can I have your autograph?!" Squirrelflight exclaimed.

Before the odd twoleg could reply, Brambleclaw's son, Jaypaw, came out from his hole where he stayed when he was depressed (which was quite often) and loudly proclaimed,

"My stick is gone. My life sucks. I can't hold down a girlfriend and I'm surrounded by beep weird cats and beep all the time! I mean what the beep!

The beeping came from the elder's den where Mousefur and Longtail decided the new generation cursed too much so they beeped every single little curse out. I mean it gets pretty beep annoying.

Anyway! After Jaypaw had made his speech and gone back into his hole Harry realized that the strange person who had made the speech was a copycat!!!

"I must take revenge!" he said. He then began firing random shots of light into the air.

"Lyk omg! How can we stop him?" Squirrelflight said. When no answer came she began to panic and started to run around in circles.

Brableclaw sighed and said, "Wait a minute I've got a plan!"

After all the fleas had been dispatched and the rather annoying twoleg fled, Lionpaw decided to open a yogurt shop called the Trix and Treats.

After much heated debate between Sorreltail and Brackenfur vs. Lionpaw, Firestar decided that they were getting to loud for him.

"The Great Firestar commands that you shut you pie-trap!" Firestar announced. "The Great Firestar says that if you wish to argue you must first have a proper judge to keep order. The Great Firestar appoints the Almost Traitorous Brambleclaw to do that job!"

"Brambleclaw if you don't keep order you will be punished with punishment method No.123," The Definitely not conceded Firestar whispered discreetly to Brambleclaw.

"Not having cherry kool-aid poured all over you," groaned Brambleclaw.

"Yep!" Firestar decided.

"Order!" Brambleclaw shouted while pounding his gavel. The bloody Firestar had told him to keep everything official but he Brambleclaw decided not to bother.

"Ok. Sorreltail and Brackenfur, what's your problem?"

"Lionpaw is opening a food shop and we want to be the only fresh kill processors," said Sorreltail through tears.

"Ok," Brambleclaw said," What's your problem Lionpaw?'

"They're being mean to me and the Trix Rabbit!" Lionpaw cried.

"Who, in 12 species of extremely buck-toothed squirrels' name, is that?" Brambleclaw shrieked, aggravated.

"He's the protector of all sellers of yogurt and has now unfortunately passed on. I accidentally put him in my new flavor: Rabbit and Deathberry- Delicious but not necessarily nutricious!"

"Oh StarClan you are such a nerd! Whatever that is!" Brambleclaw exclaimed, "My verdict is that both of you are really weird. Your sentence: You three will go and take counseling with the kool-aid man."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lionpaw, Sorreltail and Brackenfur cried, ran up the Sky Oak, promptly died and came back to life, and went to the kool-aid man with drooping tails.

"Case Closed!" Brambleclaw sighed. He thought, " Finally I can get some sleep."

That was when he heard it………………………………………………………….

……………………………………………………..Are you smarter than an apprentice?


End file.
